Never Say Diet

Welcome back. I hope you had a wonderful holiday season.

Everyone at Harmony Hill was busy celebrating with their family and friends; we hardly had time to talk. Time passes so quickly, it is hard to believe tomorrow is New Year’s Eve.

Please come in. My niece Emily and her three sons are staying with me tonight because her husband David has to work the night shift.

Harmony Hill is a very peaceful place, but sometime all that quite can get a little bit creepy. Besides, we love to spend time with my Aunt… and all her goodies. The boys are asleep upstairs and we were just about to have a pig-out fest and watch an old movie. Please join us.

Would anyone like something to eat? I have plenty of leftover soup, manicotti, turkey…

I don’t know about the two of you Bella Nonna, but I have eaten enough of your delicious food in the past few days I could fast for the rest of the month. I can’t believe another New Year’s Eve approaches and I am faced with the same old resolution… this year I am definitely taking off these extra pounds. If I could lose fifteen or twenty pounds I would be so happy. I am starting a serious diet plan with plenty of exercise as soon as the holiday leftovers are gone.

If no one wants food, I am ready to watch the movie. I have already poured my coffee and gotten my goodies. Help yourselves to cookies and candy. There is some chocolate cake and a whiskey cake in the refrigerator. I put the nut tray and cheese platter on the coffee table already. Here use the Christmas dinner plate, they hold more. I’ll go upstairs and check on the boys for you Emily while you two get ready to watch the movie.

The boys are fast asleep and I let Lolly out for her final bathroom break.
Have you met Lolly? She is my lazy little Yorkie. She’s a very old puppy, aren’t you girl? Richard gave her to me eleven years ago on Christmas Eve. She has always been a lazy little lump of fur… my sons would try to get her to play or do tricks but she preferred to lounge in her bed and look cute. I named her Lolly; it is an acronym for… Love Our Lazy Little Yorkie.

Are you ready to watch the movie?

Yes Bella Nonna, all set. I am going to have a cup of coffee and only three cookies… of each kind of cookie you baked… I promise I am definitely going to start cutting down the first of the year!
What movie are we going to watch?

Charles Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol”, if that is okay with you. They have remade this movie so many times, but I always watch the version with Alastair Sim as Ebenezer Scrooge. I watched it years ago for the first time with my Granny and now it has become one of my favorite holiday rituals. Have you ever seen this version before?

I have seen cartoon versions of “A Christmas Carol”, but never one with live people Bella Nonna.

I think you are going to enjoy this movie. Is everyone comfy? Here is an afghan to snuggle under. I am going to dim the lights and start the movie.

I love this version of the movie Bella Nonna. I am going to buy the DVD so I can watch it with my boys next Christmas and start a holiday tradition with them… or maybe we could all watch it together.

Bella Nonna… oops looks like they both fell asleep. It is just you and me Lolly. Do you want to snuggle under the afghan with me? Fine stay in your bed… more room for me in the recliner.

What was that crash in the kitchen? Wake up Lolly; let’s go see what it is. Fine, you keep on sleeping you lumpy little animal, I’ll go check it out.

There is a plump gentleman raiding the refrigerator! He looks like Santa or maybe Dom DeLuise.

Excuse me sir, would you like me to fix you something to eat?

Nah, I can fend for myself. Your tomato sauce could use a little more garlic though.

My Aunt cooks for a lot of people over the Christmas Holidays and some of them do not like a lot of garlic in their sauce. She has homemade garlic powder in her spice rack… and hot pepper flakes if you would like some.

Do you mind if I nuke some turkey and stuffing… Ooohh, you made escarole soup. Where do you keep your soup bowls? What kind of cake is that… whiskey or rum?

It’s a whiskey cake. I hate to bother you when you are eating… but who are you and why are you raiding my Aunt’s refrigerator?

Oh how rude of me… the name is Librae, I am the ghost of diets past. Let me finish my snack and we will be on our way.

ON OUR WAY! I can’t leave…my children are asleep upstairs

We will only be gone a few minutes. They will be fine, they have Lolly for protection.

Yeah right… you broke into the house, made yourself a four course dinner and she hasn’t moved a muscle… some protection.
What if my Aunt wakes up while I am gone? She will be worried sick, besides I am right in the middle of a movie.

Come on… there might be cheesecake.

Well… my Aunt didn’t have time to make a cheesecake this Christmas. Do you promise me we will only be gone a few minutes?

Yes, now take my hand.

This is the living room of my childhood home. My brother, sister, two cousins and I are running around the Christmas tree playing with the old train set. I can’t believe how cute we are. My parents are sitting at the dining room table eating and chatting away with my Aunt and Uncle. How can this be? I…

Look at you… were you planning to go on a diet after the holidays?

Of course not! I am too young to go on a diet… I didn’t even know what being fat meant. Why, did I look fat?

Heavens no…I want to know what you see when you look at that little girl. Let’s get going.

Wait can’t I watch a little longer?

I thought you were in a hurry to get back home.

Yes, thank you Librae for showing me this… I am ready to go home.

Hang onto your slipper socks Emily.

Hey, this isn’t my Aunt’s house… it is the nurse’s office at my old high school. Why in the world did you bring me here Librae?

Just watch.

It’s me with Peachy and Brenda, my two best friends for high school. Wow, look how young we are. I would give anything to have that complexion and figure back. I remember that day… we are in the nurse’s office to have our annual height and weight check-up… I hated those things. I’m getting queasy thinking about it. My heart would pound in my chest like a bass drum waiting for Nurse Horn to move the big weigh thingy from the 150 lb slot to the 100 lb slot. Did she really have to fling the other little weight thingy so hard to the 49 lb mark and give me a leer… the skinny little… nurse? I got the picture, another pound or two and it wouldn’t be necessary to move the big weight thingy.

So, you think you looked pretty cute back then… no real need to go on a diet?

I had a few pounds of baby fat I needed to lose, but I really didn’t need to go on a diet. Why, are you saying I looked fat back then?

Heck no… this is all about what you think.
Hold on tight Emily and pay close attention, we are going to be moving fast over the next decade or two. Ready?

Let’s not and say we did…
Whoa the years are whizzing by…
Look, that is my wedding day, I only weighed 118 pound.
That is a year after Davy was born I was able to get down to 134 pound
My 29th birthday, I weighed 156 pound…I was so depressed.
See, I managed to get down to 126 pound by my 30th birthday.
My 15th high school reunion… I only ate 1000 calories a day for weeks to fit into that dress.
Hey, that is last New Year’s Eve; I promised myself I would be under 150 lb by this New Years.
Okay...enough already take me back to my Aunt’s!
Thank you. Man I’m out of breath and a little nauseated.

Well?

I know… I know instead of losing weight I put more on.

No, what did you learn from our little trip?

All those years I worried about being fat when I really wasn’t all that heavy. If I could weigh now what I weighed then I’d be happy… even 156 pounds would be great. I am going to skip the cheesecake Librae, but you help yourself to some more food. I will be right back; I am going to check on the boys.

Everyone is safe and sound asleep. Thank you so much for the trip Librae, I had a blast. Librae… are you in the kitchen? Hmmm…the kitchen is spotless and there is nothing missing out of the refrigerator. Could I have dreamt the whole thing? No more eating late for me. I should go to bed and get a good night’s rest. Let me say good night to Bella Nonna and her guest.

Bella Nonna, are you still asleep in the family room? You are not going to believe the dream I just...

What the… there is a little old lady asleep in the rocking chair!

Excuse me Ma’am… who are you and where is my Aunt and her guest?

Oh my goodness I must have dozed off. Hello dear I am Sarafina; I am the ghost of diets future.

What, no ghost of diets present?

Dear, you said you weren’t ready to diet right now… so there is not a ghost of a chance for a diet present. So let’s get this show on the road. Take my hand and we will be off.

I guess there is no chance of my changing your mind by offering you a little tea and cookies…

Nope…give me your hand… we have a lot to see and little time.

Is that my grandmother? She looks so young.

No silly, it is you sitting on that plush couch reading to your four adorable little grandchildren.

Four grandbabies…it's a good thing I have a large lap.

Yes it is... no one has to fight over who gets to sit on your lap and who gets to sit next to you. You have room for them all.

You know... I really don't look fat... I look like a REAL granny should look... don't you think?

Indeed I do Dear. Are you ready to move on?"

Not really. I'd love to cuddle with those babies, but I know we should be getting back.

Not back... in to the future. Hang on to your bloomers Deary.

For a little old lady, you sure move fast.
What a cozy little bedroom. Oh… there is a frail little woman sitting in that rocking chair looking out the window at some birds eating out of a birdfeeder on a tree in the yard. We better get out of here before she sees us. Too late here comes a middle-aged woman carrying a tray of food.
Hide before we get caught.

Good Morning Emily. How are you feeling today?

I'm feeling fine Cathy and you?

I am so bloated... I ate so much over the holidays... I really need to go on a diet.

Enjoy your food while you can Cathy. When you get as old as I am you find food doesn't agree with you like it used to. It's funny... how many times I wished I could lose weight and now I'd give anything to be able to put on a few pounds.

Whoa… that little old lady is ME? I'd gladly give her... me... some of THESE pounds right now!"

Shush… or you will miss something important.

Sorry... I guess I am right... no one ever listens to me... including ME. I think I get what you are trying to say Sarafina.

I sure hope so.

Are we traveling back to the present? Sarafina your hand is slip out of mine.
I am going to fall…

Don’t be afraid.

I can’t see you, but I can feel your warm presence. Are you God?

Just watch and learn.

It is me tilling the garden.

See... If weighed 125 pounds, you wouldn't be able the handle the tiller.you

It’s me carrying in the groceries. We sure go through a lot of food. I usually have to make five or six trips out to the car to get them all in the house.

Aren't you glad you ate a good breakfast? You had enough energy to buy those groceries, carry them into the house, put them all away and then make dinner.

There I am planting the apple tree Bella Nonna gave me two years because David doesn’t like to get dirty… to tell you the truth, I don’t think he could do it. Look how hard I have to jump on the shovel to drive it deep into the hard soil. You need to make the hole big enough for the tree's roots to spread out and grow.

Those extra few pounds came in pretty handy digging through that hard clay soil.

That was last Summer when I let my sister-in-law Pauline talk me into letting my three sons tube down the Brandywine with her two kids. I didn’t think my guys were old enough, but David kept protesting, “You got to let them grow up sometime… you baby them too much.” So against my better judgment I let them go. The current was too strong for them and it started to take the boys too far down stream. I had to dive in and pull them back to shore because David and his brother Mike were sound asleep and Pauline couldn’t swim.

Thank goodness you weren't a 110 pound weakling... you were able to swim after them and bring them safely back to shore.

I know…the water had gotten so deep that my feet didn’t even touch the bottom. I had to get all the children to hold onto each other’s inner tubes while I paddled to shore shoving all five of them at once… they could have drowned.

H'OUT... H'OUT... H'OUT.

Excuse me... I don't understand. What do you mean by Hout?

I’m sorry Emily; did Lolly wake you? She is asking to go out.
After the movie ended, I tried to gently wake the two of you to get you to go upstairs but you were sleeping so soundly I decided to just let you sleep.
I just woke up about fifteen minutes ago to start breakfast. I guess the smell of bacon woke Lolly up and she needs “h’out”.

I have been asleep down here all night?

Yes Emily.

I didn’t go anywhere… no one came…

What?

Never mind Bella Nonna…I think I am still a little groggy. I am going upstairs to take a shower and check on the boys.

Alright Emily, we will have breakfast when you come back down.

Hmm…no sign of any one being here, everything look normal. Nothing has changed ... except... my reflection in the hallway mirror. Somehow during the night I became a little lighter... my fat bulges are more like soft curves. I never noticed that my full face and double chin gives me a sweeter more loving expression. I don’t look like a supermodel... but I do look like a supermom... able to feed a family of five on a single paycheck...sort a load of smelly socks without passing out... able to catch up to the trash men lugging two over-stuffed bargain trash bag and not have them tear. I can stop three rambunctious boys from battling over a toy with a single stare and find lost car keys at moment’s notice.

I'm not sure what really happened during the night... but I'm glad it did!