I won't keep you Bella Nonna, I just popped in to say hi and to get away from Harvey. He is drivin' me crazy. Since he retired last month all he does is follow me around. If he's not complainin' about somethin' or wantin' me to feed him, he's askin' me stupid questions. It's like havin' a demented four-year old livin' in the house.
Come on in. The coffee is fresh and so are the cinnamon buns. I'll turn off the television and join you in the kitchen… unless you want to watch Murder, She Wrote for a few pointers.
Don't tempt me Bella Nonna. I can't tell you how many times in the past month the words "Till death do us part" repeated in my head. But we can have coffee in the family room and watch Murder, She Wrote. I forgot there was a marathon… I really like that show too.
Great Loretta, you make yourself at home and I'll fix our snack.
Life Alert… I have a life alert for you.
What was that Loretta?
That commercial for Life Alert was just on TV. I was just … here let me help you with that tray of delicious cinnamon buns and I'll tell you all about it.
Here's the tray… let me grab the pot of coffee Loretta so we won't have to stop in the middle of your story to refill our cups.
Okay Loretta, I'm all set.
When you were in the kitchen gettin' our snack, that commercial for those beeper things that they have for old people who live alone came on. I was just sayin' you can be livin' in a house with a selfish husband and a zoned out son and be just as at risk.
Are you speaking hypothetically Loretta or…
I wish! The other day they were in the livin' room watchin' one of those idiotic cartoon-type shows and I was busy cleanin' up their mess, preparin' dinner and lettin' the dog out, you know multi-taskin'… don't get me started on that.
Okay Loretta, I won't. Would you like more coffee… another cinnamon bun?
Yes to the cinnamon bun … no to the coffee… I'll just pour a little of that cream into my coffee cup, if that's okay with you.
Help yourself.
Well as I was sayin'… I was rushin' around tryin' to get things done. I could hear those fools laughin' their butts off in the other room so I decided to take a break. I grabbed my flavored water and went into the livin' room to see for myself what they thought was so funny. As I stood there watchin' those asinine cartoon characters sayin' things that I am too polite to repeat, I started to choke. Not just a little cough, I was full out chokin' on some spittle that went down the wrong way. I even spilled my glass of flavored water tryin' to put it down on the end table. There I was chokin' to death… everything was going black … I could see the white light and I would have gone into it if my kitchen wasn't such a mess. No way was I leavin' this world with my house a mess. Can you imagine how all those tongues would be a waggin' if I did? It took every bit of my strength, but I managed to clear my windpipe. Weak from chokin' I flopped into my rocker. My butt didn't even have a chance to make a dent in the cushion when Harvey asked me what was for dinner. What was for dinner! Can you believe it? I nearly met my maker and all that fool cared about was his dinner! I should've taken my cast iron fryin' pan…
I don't know if it was luck or Divine Intervention… one of those commercials for cheap life insurance came on and calmed Loretta down with thoughts of how she would spend her insurance money.
If she were to whack Harvey… could I be name as an accomplice for getting her hopped up on caffeine, sugar and Murder, She Wrote?
