Dear Bella Nonna,
Please help!
My five-year old twins are driving me crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I love them to pieces,
but everyday feels like a war zone. I
thought the terrible two would end by their third birthday… but things are
getting worse instead of better.
Everything ends
up being a battle… from what to eat to where they are going to sit in the car. My biggest battle is over what they are going
to wear. We are always late getting to
kindergarten, family functions and social events because they want to wear
something totally inappropriate. We go
round and round arguing over what they are going to wear… nothing works.
Battle Fatigued in Baltimore
Dearest Battle Fatigued,
I'm a firm believer in giving children choices in their
lives. It gives them the opportunity to
express their unique sense of self and helps to develop their decision-making
skills. But anyone who has done battle
with a toddler because she wanted to wear her party dress to make mud pies, his cowboy boots to wade in the pond, a new winter coat
to the beach or footy pajamas to Granny's 80th birthday party will agree
that there has to be limits placed on those choices.
To make life simpler and a lot less stressful I gave my guys the bottom drawer of their
dresser to put all their favorite playtime outfits in. On days when we stayed at home with nothing
special going on I allowed my sons to pick out the clothes they wanted to wear
from their bottom drawer. When we were
going out or were having company over, I would pick out two or three outfits of
my choice and let them decide which
one they wanted to wear. If it was an
extra special event I would tell them I need
them to wear this outfit.
The most important thing to do is to talk to (not at) your child.
Explain why some days he/she gets to choose whatever he/she wants to
wear, some days you need to limit the choices and other days you need him/her to cooperate and wear what
you pick out.
My thoughts and prayers for peace are with you.
Bella Nonna
P.S. Here is a little
English lesson I learned from self-help books… the word need implies you require something, it is necessary. The word want
implies you desire something, it is a wish.
