Endangered Species

You are just in time to help me batten down the hatches… Bernadette Callahan is coming over for a visit with her five children or as they are usually referred to by the folks around here curtain hangin’ chandelier swingin’ cushion jumpin’ food throwin’ pet punishing band of rag-a-muffins. She called me this morning in tears; she is having another one of those days.


Bernadette and her husband Patrick decided to wait until they were emotionally and financially settled to have their children. It was taking a lot longer than they thought it would. Finally they gave into family pressure and Bernadette’s ticking biological clock and had five children in seven years.

Oh dear… there’s the doorbell.

Hi sweety, I would like you to meet…

Oh Bella Nonna, I don’t know what I’m going to do… I can’t do this… I’m not cut out to be a mother.

Give me the baby. Where are the rest of the children?

They are home with Patrick. I made him take the day off from work… they are his children too. He is always saying all the children need is a little discipline and that he would do it if he wasn’t so tired after work. So I called him in sick today. Now he has no excuse… Let’s see if he can control them.

Come on into the kitchen… we’ll have a cup of tea and a nice chat.

Bella Nonna, did you have all this trouble raising your three sons?

Every mother goes through days when she wonders how something so precious could cause so much trouble. You just have to come up with cleaver ways to handle the problems. What is your biggest problem with the children?

Sharing… toys, candy, my time… you name it, they will battle over it. It gets especially bad when friends and family come over with their kids. They all start fighting like little animals… I’m not kidding. The girls are biting and pulling hair while the boys are socking, kicking and spitting at each other. I really hate it when Mi-Yong comes over with her two little princesses. Mi-Yong is so condescending I could smack her. She’s all, “You should teach your daughters to share. You give them so many toys. In my country children have very few toys and they have to share with everyone. It is a sign of disrespect not to share with a guest.” What frosts my cookies is Mi-Yong never invites any one over to her home. Her home is so new… her furniture is so expensive… her crystal, glass and porcelain figurines are irreplaceable. Oh… I’m sorry Bella Nonna; she is a friend of yours.

That’s okay Bernadette I know you meant no harm... you are just venting.

When it comes to sharing toys with the children of your family and friends Bernadette, the best thing to do is buy a few special toys that belong only to you.

I came up with this solution when my family and friends’ children would battle with my sons over their toys. I always felt so bad asking my sons to be the ones to give in. It broke my heart to watch them reluctantly hand over one of their favorite toys. I always praised them for being good sports but that was a small comfort especially if the toy got broken or accidently taken home.

I would put the boys’ favorite toys up in their bedrooms when company came over. I would leave some of the guys’ older toys in the toy box downstairs and add in “my” toys for all the children to play with. When the problem of toy sharing came up, I calmly say that all the toys belong to me… I was letting ALL the children play with MY toys… that way my sons were not forced to hand over their favorite toys to an insistent guest. This solution had an added bonus … the children took better care of the toys and they were never accidently taken home.

If your guests are “my child can do no wrong” types, wait until the children have settled down to take the toys out… make a big fuss. Look what Aunty Bernadette has for all you guys to play with. If you are really good and promise to share, I will let you play with MY special toys. Hopefully your guests will take the hint… you are sharing with your children as well as theirs.

When your children are fighting with each other over toys, you can defuse the argument by offering one of your toys in exchange for the toy being fought over. You can say, “Mommy will let you play with this toy if you let Margie have that toy.” If they still won’t share, take the toy away or put it in the endangered species box.

The endangered species box was something I came up with to teach my sons to respect their “environment”. My sons would leave their toys all over the place including outside in the backyard. After countless times of trying to resuscitate soggy stuffed animals, stepping on Lego blocks, dinging lawnmower blades with Matchbox cars and rescuing action figures from a clogged vacuum, I started an endangered species box. If I had to repeatedly put a toy away or remove it from a custody battle, I would put the toy up on a shelf where the boys could see it but not touch it. The first time the toy when on the shelf, it would stay there for fifteen minutes or so. Each time the toy became endangered, I would leave it up on the shelf a little longer. If the toy was spending more time on the shelf that being played with, I would take it off the shelf and put it in a box in my closet. It would stay there until the boys noticed it missing.

When I noticed the boys looking for the toy, I would ask them when and where they last saw the toy. While they were pointing fingers and blaming each other, I would get the toy. When I handed the toy back to them I would remind them that if they neglect or abuse things like toys, plants and animals they could disappear… sometimes forever. If they love something it is their responsibility to take care of it. The boys would be so happy to get the toy back and would take good care of it…for a while… just like grown-ups and our environment.

Another great thing about the endangered species box was some of the toys stayed in there so long the boys forgot they even had them. Every time they had one of those… “I’m bored, there is nothing to do” days, I would rescue one or two forgotten toys from the box. My guys were so happy to see them again, they were no longer bored.

Thanks Bella Nonna. I can’t wait to get home and make an endangered species box… I know… I know, I just said I can’t wait to get home. You always have a way of putting things into perspective. You should write book with all your helpful hints….Bella Nonna’s Helpful Parenting Tips.